Monday, September 15, 2008
{ 9:58 PM }
Apparently I've became more carefree and happy? True? I don't really know. I mean I'm still a far cry from my previous self. One that's always smiling and laughing with friends and family. Welcomed at home, welcomed at work. Now? I don't really know.
If anything, I felt I've became more cynical. Too much betrayals, too much backstabbing. I hate it when you treat someone as a friend but it turns out that they might actually dislike or possibly even hate you. People who tell false 'truths' about you to other friends; people who engineer meetings with another and turns around telling others that "Didn't you realise? When you see XXX you don't see XXX" when in actual fact you weren't even notified of the meeting; people who put you in a 'box' just because of how you're like at the club when every other time you're pretty much normal; people who indirectly insults you and your parents by their comments even if they don't feel so; people who make you sound like you go round seducing guys when in actual fact you move away when guys attempt to dance with you at clubs; people who obviously don't regard you as their friend but keep chatting with you on
msn or
skype possibly because of 1) they have no one else to talk to or 2) they don't want you to realise their
disdain for you and yet they ask others out but not you.
It's so scary isn't it. How can you actually trust people? I feel like it's just so hard to pass that barrier anymore and each time such meetings make the barrier thicker and thicker. I forget, I forgive, but yet that nagging feeling at the back of my head still exists, throbbing, never wanting to be forgotten.
